The Real...

There's a pain that I feel deep within me. It first took control of my mind, yet it simultaneously struck my heart. It took days to get my mental state back to 'almost normal,' which is practically "normal" for me. The pain isn't physical, nor mental, it's purely emotional; and for a moment, it affected my spirit, it affected my soul.

It prompted physical expressions of the hurt I felt, my actions projected my inner rage. My voice transformed from tranquil to stern, rigid and rough; my language from respectful & decent, to vulgar & disdaining. My nostrils began to flare, my heart began to beat violently strong, as I felt it knocking at my ribs. The adrenaline rush was so profound, veins began to protrude from my neck, forehead and arms. The bright and jovial form of my brow became a menacing scowl. But wait..! This isn't normal at all. I now refrain from completely losing my temper and from proceeding to physical destruction. I regain control of my emotions and shove them into a virtual bottle and cap it off.

I still don't feel like... myself. There's the presence of a deep hurt, a scar... a sharp, gutteral, piercing pain that I can't bear for too long. I can't seem to ignore it... It's in my heart; I want to be alone... yet I really don't want to be alone... I need someone to talk to, so I call my friends, but they've gone out, they're at work, or they just dont answer... I feel alone. My eyes began to fill with tears. They roll, and roll, and continue to slowly roll down my cheeks. I lie down, placing my arm around my pillow, and began to pray.

I awoke the next morning, with my pillow partially soaked from the night before. But now I know that I don't have to feel this way. I'm blessed to still be alive after all I've been through. I've always had a heart full of love, even when I wronged those whom I love... I love the Lord with all my heart, mind, body and soul, and I know that He loves me. I also know that He knows that I have pure, undying faithful love to share, and have always been willing to give. I'm only being true to love. He shall place my "good thing" in my life; He shall allow me to find my wife. Heartbreak... Damn.