"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed." - James 1:2-6 (KJV)
This is the beginning of what may be a perfect work in the end. Over the past few years, God has been dealing with me in a mighty way. When some major issues arose in my life, my initial reaction was the most common of all. I attempted to disguise, run from, or rather self-medicate my inner anguish, pain and heartache. Don't get me wrong... As a child, I grew up going to church, was baptized at an early age, sang in the church choir, loved the Lord and was really, deeply involved in the church and many of it's activities, you know, all the good ol' positive things that are usually spoken about a person at their funerals. Although I knew the Word, and knew right from wrong, I did as we all do from time to time in some shape, form or fashion. I sinned. None of us are perfect, and we won't be, not in this world at least.
In the year 2007, several things happened in my life, including the deaths of some major influential figures in my life. The loss of my neighbor, my aunt, and especially my grandmother were the most detrimental to my emotional and mental state. That's right, I'd loss some key figures in my life, and nearly loss my natural mind. I pretty much delivered the eulogy at my grandmother's funeral, at least that's what the preacher, and some family members said... Go figure. In an attempt to deal with the grief, I went wrong. Instead of casting all my cares upon the Lord, instead of doing what I know I should have done, and taking everything to God. I chose to try to numb my pain, my emotions with narcotics. Cocaine became my best friend and my worst enemy all at once.
The life I once lived had become a thing of the past. I became detached from family and friends. The possessions of my loved ones had become an outlet to get high. Before I knew it, I was on a downhill path to destruction, slowly killing myself. Hurting the hearts, and losing the trust of the family I've been blessed to have, and the woman I loved so dear. There's only one thing that changed my ways, and only one manner in which it could be done. I had to REALLY GIVE IT to God. Despite my actions on the outside, internally I was going through a spiritual battle. And only complete submission to the will of God changed that. Oftentimes, while going to get my "fix," it would seem that I could not control my own feet, I walked in directions that I didn't want to go, to get something I really didn't want to use, and many times I asked God... Why? What is the meaning of this? Why are you allowing me to go through this, to continue this? I begged of Him to stop me, even if it meant removing the breath from my body, and allowing me to rest in a cold, shallow grave.
The entire time, before all those sleepless nights, before all those tears shed and all night prayers, He'd already given me answer. One day I was led to read my grandmother's bible, and there was tiny slip of paper face down, marking a page. The verse that immediately caught my eye was, "For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:" - 1 Corinthians 1:26 (KJV) I turned the little slip of paper over. It read, "Erron Rendell Johnson" Tears began to flow from eyes, I was amazed. I was astonished, and immediately thought of prophecies that'd been spoken over me as a youth. I turned through the pages asking the Lord to lead me and to show me more. I then came upon, "Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery." - 1 Timothy 4:14 (KJV) I chuckled... I smiled. I then prayed and consulted the Lord, knowing what it meant, but wanting further confirmation. I was led to this: "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;" - Isaiah 61:1 (KJV) This was the second time I'd been led to this verse, the first was nearly seven years ago.
Over the years, I admit I've been running from my calling, not accepting my purpose, knowing what it is in my heart, and now... It's time that it become fulfilled. I recently made a decision to totally put God first in my life, to do the best I can to walk in His will, and not mine. I've been asked, "How do you know when you're walking in God's calling, in God's purpose, in His will?" To this, I say it's simple. You'll be given a tremendous peace about it, the peace that surpasses all understanding. My ministry, exactly what is it you may ask... Where/How should I serve is mine... I don't know yet. It may be a pulpit ministry, through the arts, or maybe through delivering/sharing my testimony alone. Regardless, I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, and only the Lord, only God has brought me thus far, delivered me from the hand of the enemy, and given me new life, my mission... regardless of the manner in which it is spread/accomplished is simple, and the same as we've all been given charge, to love God with all our heart, mind and soul, to love another as Christ loved the church, and to spread His Gospel. This is our Christian duty. This has been my testimony, and my journey has just begun... Be blessed.
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." - Romans 12:1-2 (NKJV)
I'm A Living Witness... #TurnUpToGod
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