First, I don’t take relationships lightly. Everything about entering one is intentional both because I value relationships as sacred; and having marriage as an eventual goal, I tend not to get caught up in relationships where our journeys do not align, our faiths do not sync, and our core values repel. Why do it? The absence of these chases away peace, stunts growth and thwarts longevity.
Should I choose to step into a relationship, I will have gotten to know the man well enough to know that we are compatible. There will have been discussion to that end. No assumptions or up-in-the-air notions. A relationship, to me, is a commitment after true friendship that extends beyond whims. It is the searching of two souls and the discovery of unconditional love. With that as my baseline, I find it difficult to see the need to live with my significant other before marriage. I won’t need to ‘test him out.’ If we are both committed to God, have open and honest communication, and we love, respect and honor one another – what domestic issues can we not work through? Living together before marriage isn’t a crystal ball foreseeing the success of the future together. The work done together ensures that.
My generation jumps into ‘situationships’ before we ever really get to know a person’s character and heart. Based off of first emotions, sexual attraction and the high of infatuation, we determine that we ‘love’ an individual who often, we’ve only ever shown our façade. We are jaded and afraid of long-term commitment. We need instant and round-the-clock gratification in order to love. Should we lose that, we leave convinced that it just was not meant to be. We rarely allow room for flaws in others for fear of being hurt. We’re the popcorn generation – unwilling to put in the work of real face-to-face communication and effort. We lack an appreciation for the ability to work through issues in relationships. No, we test each other out and at the first sign of behavior that displeases us, we jet.
The second reason that I personally do not want to cohabitate before marriage is the story of my relationship with Christ – which is the ultimate model for any relationship. He didn’t have to ‘test’ me out to see if I was worth loving for the long haul. He didn’t monitor my domestic habits and walk away because I snore or talk too much or don’t always do the dishes. He saw me at my worst and decided I was worth it anyway. He familiarized Himself with my heart and decided to work with me to cultivate the good in it. This is the ultimate example of love… And I can’t value the man I want to marry that much?
My understanding of the trajectory of love, as it relates to meeting a significant other, marrying them and everything in between is directly and gratefully related to my relationship with Christ.
So, to the man I’ll one day marry, whoever he is, wherever he may be – I won’t need to test you out. It has little to do with giving away “free milk” or fearing repercussions of “sin” but because I see the value and honor in emulating the greatest and most long-lasting love story ever told.
*Ashley is a writer, professor of English and an advocate of young women’s empowerment, leadership and service. She mixes her interest in social and cultural issues with her faith and life experiences to encourage thought, discussion and positive change in her writing. Follow her on Twitter: @ashleylatruly and check out her site: www.hersoulinc.com. - See more at: http://www.urbancusp.com/…/wont-shack-thoughts-love-gener…/…
Urban Cusp News
Should I choose to step into a relationship, I will have gotten to know the man well enough to know that we are compatible. There will have been discussion to that end. No assumptions or up-in-the-air notions. A relationship, to me, is a commitment after true friendship that extends beyond whims. It is the searching of two souls and the discovery of unconditional love. With that as my baseline, I find it difficult to see the need to live with my significant other before marriage. I won’t need to ‘test him out.’ If we are both committed to God, have open and honest communication, and we love, respect and honor one another – what domestic issues can we not work through? Living together before marriage isn’t a crystal ball foreseeing the success of the future together. The work done together ensures that.
My generation jumps into ‘situationships’ before we ever really get to know a person’s character and heart. Based off of first emotions, sexual attraction and the high of infatuation, we determine that we ‘love’ an individual who often, we’ve only ever shown our façade. We are jaded and afraid of long-term commitment. We need instant and round-the-clock gratification in order to love. Should we lose that, we leave convinced that it just was not meant to be. We rarely allow room for flaws in others for fear of being hurt. We’re the popcorn generation – unwilling to put in the work of real face-to-face communication and effort. We lack an appreciation for the ability to work through issues in relationships. No, we test each other out and at the first sign of behavior that displeases us, we jet.
The second reason that I personally do not want to cohabitate before marriage is the story of my relationship with Christ – which is the ultimate model for any relationship. He didn’t have to ‘test’ me out to see if I was worth loving for the long haul. He didn’t monitor my domestic habits and walk away because I snore or talk too much or don’t always do the dishes. He saw me at my worst and decided I was worth it anyway. He familiarized Himself with my heart and decided to work with me to cultivate the good in it. This is the ultimate example of love… And I can’t value the man I want to marry that much?
My understanding of the trajectory of love, as it relates to meeting a significant other, marrying them and everything in between is directly and gratefully related to my relationship with Christ.
So, to the man I’ll one day marry, whoever he is, wherever he may be – I won’t need to test you out. It has little to do with giving away “free milk” or fearing repercussions of “sin” but because I see the value and honor in emulating the greatest and most long-lasting love story ever told.
*Ashley is a writer, professor of English and an advocate of young women’s empowerment, leadership and service. She mixes her interest in social and cultural issues with her faith and life experiences to encourage thought, discussion and positive change in her writing. Follow her on Twitter: @ashleylatruly and check out her site: www.hersoulinc.com. - See more at: http://www.urbancusp.com/…/wont-shack-thoughts-love-gener…/…
Urban Cusp News
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